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Sunday, December 6, 2015

Berrett Reunion of Death and Altitude Sickness 2015

Today, I will proceed to write a travelogue, detailing my recent adventures into the mysterious Lost Woods where my wife's family held their traditional annual reunion of love and guest lectures. There are many blogs that detail people's adventures into the great and mysterious lands of planet Earthville, but none so interesting and fascinating as this one. So in the words of Dick, my bus driver from 6th grade, "Sit down and shut up!"

On Friday morning, we packed some crap, then got in our motor vehicle and traveled northward. But first, we had to stop and retrieve Eliza H. Berrett, my sister in law. We also had to retrieve several dozen pizzas from our local Costco neighborhood market. My wife and Eliza had to keep these pizzas on their laps for the 2 hour drive, which was a lot of crushing weight, to the point that they both lost the use of their legs. Forever. 

Upon our arrival at the Summit Mountain Lodge, which was located several thousand feet about sea level, I noticed a deer sitting next to the front door of the lodge. I said, "Hello dear." And then I caressed his head. His? Her? It? Was it a transgendered deer? I hope so. Then Rivers got to pet the deer, but not before he pointed at it and said, "Cow! Moooo!" Then he tried to pet it, but it ran away. Emily and Eliza, who miraculously regained the use of their legs, also associated with the deer in some manner. The deer's name was Thunder, and apparently, he is a pet of the owners. Ah... so petty. 

Also on this trip, we learned that Rivers really likes hammocks. I mean... I don't know anyone who doesn't like a hammock. But this kid... geez. You put him on the hammock and he pretty much goes right to sleep. 

Also on this trip, I learned that at 8,000 feet, it is really hard to breathe. I learned this from gasping for breath pretty much anytime I moved more than a regular walking pace for more than 3 seconds. Or maybe I am just out of shape. Or am I in shape? Does my fat give me a sort of "shape?"

Holden meets the deer
The deer runs away.
Rivers meets the deer
                                       
Aw, best friends
The deer runs away
                                       
Rivers assumes "Sleep Position #1" on the hammock
following the tiring encounter with the deer
       


                   
                  Puffball: our dinner the first night
And our dinner the second night, this meager but
darling little mushroom
                                                         












The reunion was composed of a lot of walking around looking for Rivers, because pretty much every time I took my eyes off him for 5 seconds, he would run off somewhere, like to the kitchen to turn on the gas stove to full blast. I guess I was supposed to associate with Berrett family members, but I am poor at accomplishing this, so I often settled down with a nice heartwarming book entitled "A Time to Kill" by Johnny "Killer" Grisham. Emily made lots of little crafty things, because she is a very crafty person. Also, there was some crazy dance party, but I was sleeping because I contracted Terminal Altitude Sickness (or was it ATTITUDE SICKNESS?!) Also, we played Kubb. Also, I tossed the ol' pigskin back and forth with some Berrett kids. I tried to be a hero and attempt really spectacular catches, like reaching out and trying to catch the ball with one arm. This was less than fulfilling, as the spectacular catches were always followed by intense struggles for life-giving oxygen, as well as shoulder soreness that came on within hours. FOOTBALLLLLLLLLL.

The next day, we hiked in Cedar Breaks, which was LOVELY. And rainy of course. But the trail was dotted with so many lovely wildflowers and these really cute little orange mushrooms. Ah, just splendid. Also, at some point on this trip, we had to do that crazy trust exercise where you fall backwards and let people catch you. I hate that exercise! I hate trust! I HATE I HATE I HATE PETER PAN. Oh goodness gravy, I was so terrified having to fall backwards. It almost made me sick. In any case, I proved my trust to the Berretts, so now I am accepted into the family. At last.

The End



Monday, April 6, 2015

Doomsday

Sometimes, I don't know whether to try and be funny, or to be serious. I don't really know what to be. Most of the time, I try to be funny. I get some sort of thrill making people laugh. 

This is my first post in a long time. And now I don't know what to write. 

I like to re-read my favorite books. Is that weird? Like, I'm reading Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy right now. And I seriously just read this book. Like, six months ago. BUT IT'S SO FUNNY. How can you not laugh at Wowbagger the Infinitely Prolonged? Or at a rock band that crashes a ship into the sun as part of the climax for their live concert? HOW CAN YOU NOT?!

Well, that's all for today. Until next year. Or maybe tomorrow. Who knows.