Biff Johnson and the Electric Tobacco Rolling Machine Band

I was crazy in elementary school. Like, really weird. I don't think you have any idea. In 4th grade, I liked a couple different girls, but I showed my "liking" in an odd way: by being mean to them, by creepily following them home from school, and by putting death notes in their desks. One time, I put a note in Tess

Holden as a typical young 4th grader.

Terry's desk that said, "I KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER." And then I drew a picture of a knife dripping blood. The next day when Tess got to her desk and discovered the note, she got all worried looking, like, REALLY worried, and was telling her friends around her how scared she was.

I, of course, thought it was a HOOT.

I may have mellowed out a little bit since then.

By the way, does anybody else hate TV commercials as much as I do? I hate about 99.9% of them. I was just telling Emily the other day, wouldn't an effective advertising campaign just be, flashing products on screen with the price underneath them? Maybe there's a guy who explains, very briefly, why the product is useful. There. The end. Instead of all these obnoxious jingles and dancing and stupid annoying people who say dumb things, which make me not want to be a consumer of that particular business enterprise. I think the majority of mine and Emily's TV viewing time is spent just watching soundless things flashing on screen because I press the mute button every 5 seconds.