Intentional Foul

Here's what I want to know. If a high amount of sodium is bad for you, can't you just drink a large amount of water to dilute the sodium in your system, thus negating any bad effects? TELL ME. TELL ME NOW.


Waffle Crisp. Nom. Some skeptics claim that Waffle Crisp never disappeared. I am here to tell you that that is false. It was gone. And now it's back. LET THE FESTIVITIES BEGIN.


I'm scraping my brain with a grapefruit spoon, trying to think of something clever to say, but I'm having a hard time. Also, I am suffering from severe cerebral hemmoraging from the afore-mentioned grapefruit spoon scraping. It's bleeding, squirting out actually, all over my computer, my keyboard, all over the girl in the next cubicle. What a mess.




Ahmad-Rashad, the bloodthirsty dictator of Syria,
responsible for the slaughter of thousands of innocent lives.

I went through my list of followers and did some purging. If you privatize your blog and don't invite me to read it, but still think you have the right to lurk through my blog, mark my words...you will be purged. And then I will hunt you down and bite your face off, like Hannibal Lecter. And then place your face upon my face. And then everyone will think I'm you. But then they'll say, "Hey, where's Holden?" And then I'll rip your face off my face, and go, "Here I am!" and we'll have a good laugh. And then I'll put your face back on, and they'll be like, "Man, that Holden sure is a jerk. Who does he think he is?" and then I'll rip your face off my face again and be like, "No you don't! No you don't! You don't talk about me like that!" And then they'll feel ashamed that they spoke so poorly of me. And I feed on your shame. And your face.

Any opinions on what's going on in Syria man? Geez. Sucks. I don't know what to do. That Ahmad Rashad guy should die. Is that his name? I'm trying to remember...Bashad Rashad, Maher-Shalal-Hashbaz, crap...I guess I could google it. Nah, that takes too long. Heh! I should be president. And we should also send in Hannibal Lecter to eat Rashad's face.

Does anybody else think Emily has great looking ankles? I think so. Frikkin HOT.



Holden waiting for Emily to get home
so he can jump out and frighten her.

By the way, Emily and I watched "Silence of the Lambs" the other night on TV. There was some face-eating going on. The movie was basically the story of my life, with all of that face eating. You'd think I would've mentioned the "Silence of the Lambs" thing at the beginning, as sort of a preface to all of my Hannibal Lecter references, but that's not the way I roll. And why is this blog entitled "Intentional Foul" you might be asking? In your Holden mocking voice, you say, "Because it's a good band name. Dur dur dur!" and then hit yourself in the forehead like I always do. No. Not even what I was thinking. Way off. It's a good name for an album, preferably a death metal album, where that phrase is an understatement about how mercilessly I beat you and eat your face during an NBA basketball game. "Enough with the face eating!" you're saying. Wait, are you? That's what the ref would be saying, as he slaps me with a "flagrant face-eating foul." And his hand.  

Are you afraid, blog reader? Do I make you uncomfortable? Is this blog too distasteful for your...taste? Because if it was distasteful for any of your other senses, I would be worried. And I don't worry about a lot of things. But that...that right there is something I would worry about.