Flaw in the Logic

Many a broken-hearted teenage girl has heard the old proverbial saying, “No boy is worth crying over, and the boy who is won’t make you cry.” No one knows where or who this statement came from, but it’s hailed as one of the most wise profound quotations of our modern era.

Well guess what? I DISAPPROVE.

Why? Let me show you! Because if NO boy is worth crying over (so stated in the first segment), then why is the “boy who won’t make you cry” worth crying over? It doesn’t make any sense. Obviously no boy is worth crying over, but the boy (who is worth crying over?) won’t make you cry. No! No no no! TEENAGERS, STOP HEEDING THE FLAWED ADVICE OF THIS STATEMENT. STOP. THIS QUOTATION CAME FROM SOMEONE WHO DIDN’T REALLY KNOW YOU, DIDN’T REALLY CARE ABOUT YOU, AND FROM SOMEONE THAT HAS NO IDEA WHAT YOU’RE GOING THROUGH!

I know what you’re going through! I know! Trust me! I have your best welfare in mind! You know I do! You KNOW I do! Teenagers, let’s reconcile our differences and be friends. How about it? Huh? Come on. You know you want to. Put down your drugs. Put down your video games. Put down your broken dreams and broken hearts, your shattered love and shattered knees, and be my friend. Laugh with me. Laugh at every joke I tell. EVERY ONE. Because every joke I tell is absolutely hilarious. Absolutely and unequivocally hilarious. So hilarious you will cry. And thus, the boy who IS worth crying over (me) WILL actually make you cry. With laughter. It’ll be great.

Here’s the joke of the day: My dentist got arrested last week for trying to pick up prostitutes! WAHAHAHA! Excuse me while I struggle to contain a bout of helpless laughter! Oh wait, that actually happened. What in the name of Sam Hill…?

UNTIL NEXT WEEK KIDS!