Message in a Bottle

While at the beach, you decide to write a message in a bottle. What would it say, and who would you like to find it? Here is what my message would say-- "Dear human who finds this... I need someone to share some very vital information with, some information that may end up saving the world. I entrust this message to you. So here's a recap of my day. This morning, I had a weird dream that I saw a woman playing on an NBA team, and her dad was the head coach, and I shouted to everyone in the room, 'Hey guys! There's a woman playing in the NBA!' And no one really cared. And I shouted, 'Not fair! That's nepotism!' And I don't remember anything else about it. At some point, I woke up and went and pooped. I don't usually do that first thing in the morning, but I have been the past few days. Then I ate a nice big bowl of honeycomb, not real honeycomb, mind you, but the cereal Honeycomb. Okay, that's a lie, it was actually called Honey Buzzers, some knockoff brand, and that's weird to call it Honey Buzzers because the individual pieces look like actual honeycomb, they definitely don't look like anything that would be buzzing around. Well, in any case, I trotted off to work, where I was pleasured to pass a patient in the hall who responded to my "Hello!" with "Fuh you!" although he actually did hurl a profanity, and I pondered on how bizarre that was, that you would respond to a friendly hello with a FUH YOU, but you must understand that this particular patient has been quite hostile to me this week due to me interrupting his breakfast last Thursday morning when I asked him to come participate in physical therapy, and yes, profanities were hurled at me then, and I imagine these profanities are still floating around in space somewhere. The moral of this story: NEVER INTERRUPT THE BREAKFAST OF AN ANGRY PSYCHOTIC SICILIAN." And that would be the message. Is that sufficient? I think so. Who would I like to find it? Obviously some poor sap that otherwise would be interrupting breakfasts of angry psychotic Sicilians and has potential for getting his kneecaps busted or getting dumped into the East River. But that's a dumb question. Anybody could find it. I don't know where the ocean currents will carry it. But go in peace, little message in a bottle. Go in peace.