I Don't Want a Helicopter!

1) So, this blog is in tribute to a nice lady I knew on my mission. She was a less-active member of the LDS church. I don't know the circumstances, but something happened, and didn't really like her relief society. Anywho... her birthday is today, June 2nd. When I was in Hendersonville, Tennessee from November 2006-April 2007, we wanted to get her more active in church, so we enlisted the help of the relief society. The ward list indicated her birthday was February 6th, which was right around the corner. So we're like, "Yeah! Sweet! Birthday! Send her stuff! A card! Cake! Whatever! Bam!" Those words exactly. So we went and had dinner at her house later that week. She indicated to us she had received a birthday card for some reason from the relief society, and she seemed annoyed by it. "My birthday isn't until June," she told us. Huh? Turns out her birthday was 6/2, not 2/6 as the ward list had reversed it. LOLOLOLOL. Then I turned to the camera and said, "Oh gee, when will we ever catch a break?!" And we all had a good laugh, including those in the live studio audience. Probably. It was a long time ago.

2) Yesterday was the 1-year anniversary of the Hike Of Death up the Red Mountain. It was a pretty great anniversary. I worked, and uh... yeah, I didn't do anything that even resembled a crazy near-death adventure. I'm sorry. This was a waste of your time to read.

3) I just finished "Catcher in the Rye," so now whenever people are like, "Are you named after Holden Caulfield?" I can be like... "Heck yeah, that book is actually about my life as a 16-year-old, with all the liquor and the girls and the cussing and the smoking and just havin' a party man. Just havin' a party." But if you must know, I don't think quite as much as Holden C. does that everybody in the world is a complete moron. I do think there are some morons, but I don't feel like I'm bitter, except when people sprinkle bitter herbs on me. Or when people cut me off in traffic. Or when pimps punch me in the stomach. You know how it is.

4) I'm on season 7 of 24. There seems to be a lot of this kind of thing... "TELL ME WHAT YOU KNOW!" or "WHO DO YOU WORK FOR?!" or "I WILL DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO MAKE YOU TALK!" And Jack Bauer is always right. Always.

5) Don't forget that according to my communications professor, 84% of the world is gay. You are probably gay. I think 84% means beyond reasonable doubt.