Biscuits for Billy
No, this is not a story about Billy, or how he gets biscuits. It sounds like a good title for a touching childrens' story, but I have far too many stories with a child named Billy. I'm sitting at work. I'm bored. My back hurts. I have the sneezes. There's various mumbling throughout the room. This place smells good. Guess what's cool? I get to clock in with a fingerprint. How awesome is that? No no, don't be so quick to one-up me, and say, "Well I get to clock in with one of those EYE identification lasers!" No, don't do it. Please. For once. Let me have my glory.
Because a fingerprinting mechanism is very glorious.
There's a breakroom, with a large nice TV. Every time I go in the breakroom, Two Weeks Notice is on. I hate that movie. And I've never even watched the whole thing. I've only seen bits and pieces, because it's on EVERY SINGLE FLIPPIN TIME I GO IN THE BREAKROOM. I am so sick of seeing Hugh Grant's ugly face. I don't understand why everything thinks he is so charming. He plays the EXACT SAME CHARACTER in every single movie he's in! And that's not hard, because every single movie he's in is a lamo romantic comedy. He should try something different, like, I dunno. A horror movie, or some political thriller. In any case, now I just stop the DVD player whenever I go in, unless there's somebody already in there. Because I might offend somebody.
And offending somebody over that movie is a terrible crime indeed.
I've realized, working here, that old people have a lot of health problems. A lot. I mean, I think maybe 85% of the phone calls have something to do with somebody's health insurance, or pain medications, or somebody vomiting or having diahrrea, or being on chemo, or Coumadin or Lipitor or some garbage like that. Is it really that great that the life expectancy is 80+ years old? It sounds like it sucks. We should go back to dying at age 30, like the good old days, so people don't have to drag their lives out being sick and having 40 medical issues that you KNOW will not all go away, no matter how many medications they're on.
"Oh Holden," you're saying. "How can you be so cruel, so heartless? Have you no compassion? Have you no mercy?"
It is true. I have none. But I did offer my leftover sandwich to a hobo at Temple Square once who wanted money, and he wouldn't take it. See, I tried to be merciful to someone less fortunate, and they just spat in my face. I don't know how this blog turned into something about sandwiches, but there you go. There's a lesson to be learned from this: nothing is impossible.
Because a fingerprinting mechanism is very glorious.
There's a breakroom, with a large nice TV. Every time I go in the breakroom, Two Weeks Notice is on. I hate that movie. And I've never even watched the whole thing. I've only seen bits and pieces, because it's on EVERY SINGLE FLIPPIN TIME I GO IN THE BREAKROOM. I am so sick of seeing Hugh Grant's ugly face. I don't understand why everything thinks he is so charming. He plays the EXACT SAME CHARACTER in every single movie he's in! And that's not hard, because every single movie he's in is a lamo romantic comedy. He should try something different, like, I dunno. A horror movie, or some political thriller. In any case, now I just stop the DVD player whenever I go in, unless there's somebody already in there. Because I might offend somebody.
And offending somebody over that movie is a terrible crime indeed.
I've realized, working here, that old people have a lot of health problems. A lot. I mean, I think maybe 85% of the phone calls have something to do with somebody's health insurance, or pain medications, or somebody vomiting or having diahrrea, or being on chemo, or Coumadin or Lipitor or some garbage like that. Is it really that great that the life expectancy is 80+ years old? It sounds like it sucks. We should go back to dying at age 30, like the good old days, so people don't have to drag their lives out being sick and having 40 medical issues that you KNOW will not all go away, no matter how many medications they're on.
"Oh Holden," you're saying. "How can you be so cruel, so heartless? Have you no compassion? Have you no mercy?"
It is true. I have none. But I did offer my leftover sandwich to a hobo at Temple Square once who wanted money, and he wouldn't take it. See, I tried to be merciful to someone less fortunate, and they just spat in my face. I don't know how this blog turned into something about sandwiches, but there you go. There's a lesson to be learned from this: nothing is impossible.
posted by HLR | March 24, 2012
3 Comments:
Lol. Thank you for the entertaining read.
That's funny that there's always a lame chick flick on at your work. Because Alyssa says that at the SOS up here, every day they show manly movies like Indiana Jones, Lord of the Rings, and the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Guess you'll just have to request a transfer if you want manly movie goodness.
I may end up doing that, but I mean...I'm only ever in there for, what, 30 minutes in a day? But I guess watching Indiana Jones or LOTR for a few minutes is always preferable to having to stare at Hugh Grant's ugly face.
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