"Time to go back to the film," says 1st grade basketball coach after tough loss

Cincinnati, OH—After his team’s tough 14-6 loss to the Spartans, basketball coach Rick Franken announced that it was time for his team to “go back and look at the film.” Franken, who coaches a team of 8-year-olds, announced in a post-game interview that his team needed to get back to the basics of what basketball is all about. “I thought we made some critical defensive mistakes down the stretch,” he said, referring to the countless plays in which all five players would collapse on the ball-handler, leaving various Spartan players open. “We played like garbage today,” said the team’s star power forward, Taylor Bedrins, who also attends South Franklin Elementary School and is in Mrs. Webster’s class. “We didn’t execute, we weren’t hustling, and they just took advantage.” He also referred to a number of offensive mistakes, including players heaving up one-handed 40-foot 3-point attempts with defenders all over them, seven traveling violations, two instances of players scoring on the wrong basket, eight airballs, and all four players calling for the ball simultaneously on every possession. “It was just selfish basketball,” said point guard Braden Jenkins, who just got his training wheels off his bike. “How can we run our offense when every player wants the ball? It’s just not going to happen.” It was rumored that Coach Franken exploded on his team after the game and threw a chair across the locker room, but players are used to his hard-nosed approach and no-crap attitude when it comes to the game of basketball. “We respect Coach,” said center and reserve Derek Williams, who is planning to go and play toy guns with his friends after the game, but only after he’s cleaned his room. “We just really let him down today.”