TOYS!!!!!

So this one time when I was like, 4, some kid in a car crashed into our station wagon sitting parked in front of our house. He came to the door to alert my parents as to what had happened. So he was sitting on the chair by our front door (which chair is still sitting in the same spot to this very day), as my mom and dad were off discussing something or other. At this point, apparently, I wanted to impress the young man, so I went and grabbed an armful of toys from my room, and then brought them out, dropped them on the floor in front of him, and proceeded to play with them.

Do you think the young man was impressed? DO YOU?! ANSWER ME!

As it turns out, he was not, and paid me little attention.

Ah, aren't our cute little lives just like this experience? Don't we always try to impress people with our gadgets, our wealth, our sexiness, our helicopters, our tanks, our rippling muscles, and our organic meatless hot dogs, in spite of their having committed a heinous crime against us, like crashing into our station wagons, blowing up our station wagons with a car bomb, stealing our babies, or borrowing our weed-whackers and not returning them, and yet, we love them as human beings, and we show that love by showing off. Because, you know what, young man who has committed a heinous atrocity against my family? You can play with my toys ANYTIME!