Thanatos, Demon of the Underworld

          What mood should this post carry today? Funny? Quirky? Informative? Entertaining? Depressing? A combination of any of those? Well, let’s write some crap down and see how it pans out, eh? First, I would like to talk to you about… space. Space really is amazing. It’s just amazing, isn’t it? The vast distances and sizes that are associated with space make my head want to explode like a supernova. I have recently become convinced that human brains are somehow connected in some weird way to stars, and every time someone ponders the meaning of the universe, or the length of time it takes to get across the Milky Way, or how much bigger the star Betelgeuse is compared to our own sun, or how hot the Big Bang was, or how long everything has been floating around up there, their head figuratively explodes, causing a 5 million solar-mass star to literally explode somewhere. I call it the “Head Explode Star Explode” Theory, and I’ve already proven it in my world famous lavatory.

          What is the mood now? A good mood? A goody moody? ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED? Let’s discuss one other thing that’s really gross. So in 10^th grade, I was in a German class. We had some foreign language festival, and for some reason, I was assigned to be a butcher. My idea of being a good butcher was taking hot dogs (that hadn’t been cooked or anything), stuffing them in hats in the shape of chickens, and then ripping them out of the hats when people walked by our booth, pretending that it was supposed to be chicken meat. This was followed by cutting up the hot dogs, dipping them in a puddle of ketchup, and then offering them to people. You may think I was trying to be funny, but in fact, I wasn’t, I thought it was just a great idea. Not a lot of people ate the hot dogs. I don’t know how many health codes I violated with this despicable behavior, but no one got mad at me, so whatever man. No one ever gets mad at me for anything.

          Especially you.