The Final Quarter
Down 63-54, your team has once last chance up to bat.
"Corgan, you're up," yells Coach Phil Jackson. "No pressure buddy. But if you fail, we lose."
Corgan steps up to the batter box. He looks around the stadium, then back at Kuty the Impaler, licking his lips in anticipation on the mound. He doesn't look right. He looks scared. And he should be scared. He can barely even throw a Sportsball. All he does is riddles.
Suddenly, out of nowhere, a team of Russian mobsters is attacking Billy Corgan! They're beating him! They're kicking his face! They're crushing his kneecaps! Where's the ref?! Oh, there he is. He's over talking to Coach Griegory Tartkovavich, distracted.
Coach Phil Jackson is yelling at the ref, but to no avail. Whatever Coach Griegory Tartkovavich is telling him is very important. The mobsters continue to pummel Billy Corgan, who is now just curled up in the fetal position at home plate. Kuty the Impaler cackles, and then chews on a doggie bone.
When it's all over, the Russian mobsters disappear into the crowd. The ref finally turns and makes his way back to the home plate, where he discovers Billy Corgan incapacitated on the ground. "PERSONAL FOUL!" he calls against Billy Corgan. "NO LAYING DOWN IN THE BATTER'S BOX, SON! LAST WARNING!"
"Jenkins," says Coach Phil Jackson.
"Arf?" you bark.
"I don't think Billy Corgan's gonna make it. I'm putting you in."
The ref yells, "GET HIM OUTTA HERE!" and someone comes and drags Billy Corgan off the plate.
Well, this is it, Jenkins. Everything you've fought for. Everything you've bled for. Jenkins vs. Kutyatov Vladislovovich.
"Good luck, Jenkins," says Coach Phil Jackson. "Make me proud."
You step into the batter's box.
Kuty the Impaler slides his thumb across his throat slowly. Wait, how does he have thumbs if he's a dog? "All the Russian dogs get thumb implants, so they can do that threatening motion to you," comes the voice of Coach Phil Jackson into your mind. Yes, he can communicate telepathically with you.
What are you going to do?
1) If he throws a football, he's going to curve it, so swing up. http://fishtacosofdeath.blogspot.com/2017/10/you-swing-up-anticipating-curving.html
2) He's going to throw a screw-volleyball, so swing behind yourself blindly. http://fishtacosofdeath.blogspot.com/2017/10/you-swing-behind-yourself-blindly.html
3) Don't swing. http://fishtacosofdeath.blogspot.com/2017/10/you-dont-swing.html
"Corgan, you're up," yells Coach Phil Jackson. "No pressure buddy. But if you fail, we lose."
Corgan steps up to the batter box. He looks around the stadium, then back at Kuty the Impaler, licking his lips in anticipation on the mound. He doesn't look right. He looks scared. And he should be scared. He can barely even throw a Sportsball. All he does is riddles.
Suddenly, out of nowhere, a team of Russian mobsters is attacking Billy Corgan! They're beating him! They're kicking his face! They're crushing his kneecaps! Where's the ref?! Oh, there he is. He's over talking to Coach Griegory Tartkovavich, distracted.
Coach Phil Jackson is yelling at the ref, but to no avail. Whatever Coach Griegory Tartkovavich is telling him is very important. The mobsters continue to pummel Billy Corgan, who is now just curled up in the fetal position at home plate. Kuty the Impaler cackles, and then chews on a doggie bone.
When it's all over, the Russian mobsters disappear into the crowd. The ref finally turns and makes his way back to the home plate, where he discovers Billy Corgan incapacitated on the ground. "PERSONAL FOUL!" he calls against Billy Corgan. "NO LAYING DOWN IN THE BATTER'S BOX, SON! LAST WARNING!"
"Jenkins," says Coach Phil Jackson.
"Arf?" you bark.
"I don't think Billy Corgan's gonna make it. I'm putting you in."
The ref yells, "GET HIM OUTTA HERE!" and someone comes and drags Billy Corgan off the plate.
Well, this is it, Jenkins. Everything you've fought for. Everything you've bled for. Jenkins vs. Kutyatov Vladislovovich.
"Good luck, Jenkins," says Coach Phil Jackson. "Make me proud."
You step into the batter's box.
Kuty the Impaler slides his thumb across his throat slowly. Wait, how does he have thumbs if he's a dog? "All the Russian dogs get thumb implants, so they can do that threatening motion to you," comes the voice of Coach Phil Jackson into your mind. Yes, he can communicate telepathically with you.
What are you going to do?
1) If he throws a football, he's going to curve it, so swing up. http://fishtacosofdeath.blogspot.com/2017/10/you-swing-up-anticipating-curving.html
2) He's going to throw a screw-volleyball, so swing behind yourself blindly. http://fishtacosofdeath.blogspot.com/2017/10/you-swing-behind-yourself-blindly.html
3) Don't swing. http://fishtacosofdeath.blogspot.com/2017/10/you-dont-swing.html
posted by HLR | October 17, 2017
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