The Toilet

This was a "saved draft" among my blogs. There was nothing written. Only the title: "The Toilet." I don't even remember what I was going to write about when I named it "The Toilet." I guess I will take this opportunity to say thank you to the guy who invented the toilet, because without it, we'd all be dead of the dysentery or the plague or whatever disease likes to kill people who don't have toilets.

I would also like to take this opportunity to thank air, because, face it... without air, we'd all be dead of the "no oxygen" disease.

And I would also like to take this opportunity to thank all those countless men and women who dutifully serve at the local In-N-Out Burger and who have to wear those stupid hats, but it's okay, because the burgers are extremely satisfying.

Finally, I would like to take this opportunity to thank that grandpa who shook my hand when I beat the keyboarding game high score in 5th grade computer lab. Why was there a grandpa there, you ask? Well, it was "Grandparents Day" of course, so there were a lot of grandparents around when the momentous moment occurred. I'm very thankful that this "grandpa" was proud of me, because everyone else absolutely hated me after I beat that high score. On a humorous note, I was walking down the street a few days later, and some kid skateboarding was like, "Hey! Are you the kid that got the high score in keyboarding?" And I was like, "Yeah! That was me!" all cool-like because I thought I was Lebron James or something. "But wasn't Lebron James only 14 at that time?" you might be asking. What difference does it make? You think Lebron James wasn't tearing up a basketball court somewhere in Akron, Ohio when he was 14? Doing his signature thunder-dunk-jams? Spinning a basketball on his finger while somebody was whistling "Sweet Georgia Brown?" I rest my case!

And finally, I would like to thank the old man who yelled at me once at a lake somewhere (I forget what lake) because I picked his can of Dr. Pepper up off the ground and just chucked it into the lake for no reason whatsoever. His stern but loving teachings that fateful day really sunk deep into my heart, and I was inspired to turn from my future life of crime to a life of love, service, and compassion for humanity.

Last of all, I would like to thank former President Jimmy Carter for his courage and bravery in fighting off that giant killer rabbit that tried to climb into his boat one time (this is a true story). I feel like this kind of courage and bravery is absent in today's politicians. And that's what's wrong with America. God bless us all. And God bless America. Goodnight.