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Monday, April 26, 2010

Holden Unleashes His Rage

 

Herein lies the greatest tragedy of our times…

Many so-called gluten free products have been found to have been contaminated with gluten such as chicken bouillon, corn cereal, and caramel ice cream topping. For example, in a investigation reported by the Chicago Tribune on November 21, 2008, Wellshire Farms chicken nuggets labeled "gluten-free" were purchased and samples were sent to a food allergy lab at the University of Nebraska. Results of the testing indicated gluten was present in levels exceeding 2,000 ppm. After the article was published, the products were continued to be sold. However, after receiving customer inquiries, Whole Foods Market removed the product from their shelves over a month later. Wellshire Farms has since replaced the batter used in their chicken nuggets.   (Wikipedia)

WHY WELLSHIRE FARMS?! WHY?!

CURSE YOU ALL!!!

CURSE YOU WELLSHIRE FARMS CEO!

CURSE YOU WELLSHIRE FARMS VICE PRESIDENT!

CURSE YOU WELLSHIRE FARMS ACCOUNTS PAYABLE DEPARTMENT!

CURSE YOU WELLSHIRE FARMS ADVERTISING MANAGER!

CURSE YOU WELLSHIRE FARMS CUSTODIAL STAFF!

CURSE YOU GLUTEN, SUBSTANCE OF LUCIFER!

 

 

amaechi

CURSE YOU JOHN AMAECHI!

 

padgett

CURSE YOU SCOTT PADGETT!

 

zimmerman

CURSE YOU ZIMMERMAN AND YOUR FILTHY TELEGRAMS!

 

Whew. Glad I could get that all off my chest.

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Gloating over Gluten

Sometimes, your bundle of humor gets all wrapped up in ooey gooey spider-webbey stuff, and you wonder where your inner self went.

Friday, April 23, 2010

The Bolas Spider

CRAZIEST SPIDER EVER.




It's basically a monster.

ABSOLUTE BEST LYRICS EVER

The following lyrics are taken from the hit song "Water Night," a choral song by Eric Whitakre, which our Snow Canyon Madrigals sang in 11th grade at a choral competition. Hit it Whitakre!

(Italics have been added to emphasize those lines which are ESPECIALLY DEEP)



Water Night


Night with the eyes of a horse that trembles in the night,
Night with eyes of water in the field asleep
Is in your eyes, a horse that trembles is in
Your eyes of secret water.

Eyes of shadow-water,
Eyes of well-water,
Eyes of dream-water.

Silence and solitude,
Two little animals moon-led,
Drink in your eyes,
Drink in those waters.


If you open your eyes, night opens doors of musk,
The secret kingdom of the water opens
Flowing from the center of the night.

And if you close your eyes,
A river, a silent and beautiful current, fills you from within,
Flows forward, darkens you:
Night brings its wetness to beaches in your soul.

The end





HUH? A horse? That trembles? In the night? Two little animals dancing? In your EYES? WATER? IN YOUR EYES?! DRINKING WATER?!?! COMING OUT OF YOUR EYES?!?!?! WHAT IN THE NAME OF SAM HILL...?! And we sang this in front of judges?





Friday, April 9, 2010



The Maestro: Former WCW wrestler who would enter the ring via a descending platform, upon which would be him playing a piano. Then, from what I usually remember, he was assaulted by multiple wrestlers as soon as he got into the ring, and usually got the crap beat out of him. My favorite.

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Holden's Rare Serious Reflections

I find it odd that critics of the church are so harsh and vicious in their accusations, that Mormonism and its precepts are all the product of "Joseph Smith's wild imagination," yet I would think, that to any non-Christian, Christianity itself seems pretty out there. Try to imagine that you're not a Christian, and altogether not too familiar with it. Somebody comes up to you and tells you to go get dunked underneath water (or have water sprinkled upon you, for that matter), because a god sent his son to earth 2000 years ago to suffer a horrendous cruel death and thus "save us from our sins."

As much as I believe it, it sounds pretty twisted.

Thus, I have the same kind of faith in the truthfulness of the church that I do in the fact that Jesus Christ died and was resurrected. Pretty sure those are two things that will ALWAYS have to be taken in faith.

I think that's what boils down to. Why it's boiling, I'm not sure, maybe somebody should take that pot off the stove.