Thrushing Water

There are a lot of dumb things in my personality I'd like to work on. But I've tried over and over and over again in my life, to no avail. A new thing to work on, I decided today, is to realize that I'm discovering things for myself. For example, I found a Northern Waterthrush (a rare-ish warbler bird) at one of my local birding spots last week. Of course, in the world of birding, finding rare stuff is cool. Depending on how rare it actually is (maybe it's a first state record, maybe it's a first county record, maybe it's neither of those, but maybe it's only been seen a few times in your area) will drive a certain amount of attention your way. Over the course of the next day or two, you'll see reported on eBird other people going to that same spot to find the bird. Again, rarity level matters. If it's a first state record, probably between 50-100 people (at least) will come to that spot and attempt to find it. If it was the first sighting ever in North America, hundreds of people would come. My point being, when you find a rare bird, it feels cool. But a lot of that is, hey, look how cool I am to everyone. It sounds stupid to anybody who has no idea the level of obsession that birders have. So of course, I find this Waterthrush, and sure, it's awesome. I've only seen one once before (in Indiana, where they're far more common). But a lot of it is, boy, I hope a lot of people come to look for it. I hope people try and contact me to ask me about where it is and how to find it. I want to feel cool about this. That's just human nature I think. But I still hate it. I want to just find something cool, and say, "Wow, that's an awesome bird, I'm so glad I found it" and not worry about the amount of other people that may try to find it, as some sort of reflector on my own birding awesomeness. The fact of the matter is, I'm a jealous person by nature. It's gotta be one of the worst traits in a personality. So when other people find cool stuff, rather than just being excited for their awesome achievements, I automatically feel bitter. When I see that friends hang out together without so much as inviting me, I automatically feel bitter. When I see birding friends going out birding together frequently, I automatically feel bitter. When does it end?