Memorized Scripts

We're all good at trying to impress people.

Living in Black and White

What if the world hasn't always been in color?

I'm sitting at the business building right now, doing business, waiting for Emilyface to get out of her communication class, and I also happen to be doing lots of business.

Oh business...where is thy sting? Oh business, WHERE IS THY VICTORY?

THE END.

Je N'en Connais Pas la Fin (Jeff Buckley)

Je N'en Connais Pas la Fin
translation- I Do Not Know the End


i used to know a little square
so long ago, when i was small
all summer long it had a fair
wonderful fair with swings and all
i used to love my little fair
and at the close of every day
i could be found, dancing around
a merry-go that used to play

ah, mon amour
a toi toujours
dans tes grands yeux
rien que nous deux

all summer long my little fair
made everyday seen like a holiday
night after night it used to play
and people came there from so far away
and everyone sang that little tune
all around town you heard it played
even Pepi from Napoli
he sang to Marie
this serenade

ah, mon amour
a toi toujours
dans tes grands yeux
rien que nous deux

I can't forget my little square
Even though I'm so far away
I can't forget my little fair
Maybe it's still there, still there today
I sometimes hear that little tune
playing in a dream of long ago

And in my brain runs the refrain
That old French refrain I used to know...

"Ah, mon amour
A toi toujours
Dans tes grands yeux
Rien que nous deux"

Blasphemy

I don't consider myself an especially righteous person, but something seems wrong with the popular logic that Mormons are not Christians, but anybody, especially celebrities, rap stars, and worldly people who are obviously indulging in drugs and gross immorality, ARE Christians, if they make sure to display their fancy and shiny little crosses around their necks.

And then again, I don't know that somebody might look at somebody like 50 Cent and say, "Hey! That guy is TOTALLY a follower of Christ!" But he sure seems to be a lot more liked and respected than the Mormon church.

 I disapprove 50 Cent. And so does Jesus.

GARAGE SAILING

Do you ever go to garage sales, and realize that the stuff is not even REMOTELY interesting to you, but you keep looking around like you're interested, because you're afraid that you'll somehow offend the "proprietor" of the garage sale if you just leave? Or when the "proprietor" notices you looking at something that you don't plan on buying, and says "I'll sell it to for FIVE!" and you pretend to act interested and say, "Ahh, hmm…yeah! Not a bad deal!" even though you have no idea what the value is and you don't care?

I watched the movie "The Invention of Lying" last night. It was pretty weird, but relatively funny. Nobody in the movie, except for Ricky Gervais, knew how to lie. Everybody was completely and brutally honest, everyone in the entire world. It made me realize how much we all really ARE dishonest, how much we always hide our true intentions. I'm not saying all this to judge anyone. I'm saying it because IT'S FUNNY. We're all such liars. HEH! The end.

Holden's Disapprovals

I do not like Hollywood.

I do not like Katy Perry or Lady Gaga. They are skanks.

I do not approve of homosexuality. Why? Because Hollywood approves of it.

I do not like the Christian Satellite Network. They are hypocrites.

I do not like Miley Cyrus. She is a skank and a Disney puppet.

I do not like celery. Why? Because people in Hollywood eat celery. Sometimes. I think.

I do not like the angry old man who came into my work yesterday.

I do not like Nickelback. 

I do not like many things.

I think most of all, I just really do not like people who are full of themselves. Or who sing bad. Or who are skanks.

Or celery. Die.

Emily's Quirks

So uh, I really really approve of my wife. A lot. And I know I haven't really written any blogs about her, and that makes me a fat jerk. So, in lieu of the great anniversary, here's several things about Emily that I think are just special-

1) She is, hands down, the HOTTEST babe in the universe. Her hair is cute, she has really pretty blue eyes, she has a little nose, little ears, little fingers, and little cute toes that bend in all sorts of crazy directions.
2) She is the best cook I know. She doesn't have a lot of confidence in what she makes, but man, she makes some mean egg rolls, stir fry, and lasagna, and she makes these really tasty turkey sandwiches and sends them with me in a lunchbox when I go to work.
3) She gets scared really really easily, like when I hide in the dark and then jump at her and scream, and it's so cute. I'm sorry, that one was mean. But it's true.
4) The little squealy sound she does when I poke her or tickle her.
5) She's extremely talented when it comes to training dogs and grooming them. She can point to any dog and tell you what kind it is.
6) Her laugh. Because it's funny.
7) She's a fantastic wife, and is always doing the laundry, and making food, and making me lunches, and working at Diamond Ranch all the time trying to make us money. She doesn't think she's a good wife, but I think she is, and I love her and am grateful for her.
8) She's really smart, and is in expert in several subjects that I know nothing about, for example, business, economics, genetics, real estate (because she watches so much HGTV), and Judge Judy.
9) She looks really really cute when she's asleep, and if you try to talk to her while she's sleeping, she makes cute little mumbly noises.
10) She throws temper tantrums if I don't let her pop my toes, or zits on my face.
11) She thinks songs are "funny." I still don't know exactly what this means, but she seems to have this ability to know what every song is about, and can somehow recognize the subtle humor in them. And she starts laughing at a song, and I have no idea why. And I will never know why.
12) She looks cute in her thick rimmed red glasses.
13) When she says "NOM NOM!" to Juno after she serves up her dinner.
14) I'm glad she's made up her mind about what she's going into, and I'm especially glad it's business, because now she'll get to carry around a briefcase and watch C-SPAN and dress in a business outfit. Because that is AWESOME.
15) She's the biggest sweetiepie in the world, and I'm forever grateful that Lucas, Eric, Brandon, and David became friends with her at EFY six years ago. Because if that wouldn't have happened, we would've never met. Awww.

Bush

(As read in front of Mrs. Madden's AP English class, May 2005. The idea came from the hit blockbuster novel "The Scarlet Letter" in which there is some sort of important symbolic bush.)

Fleeting,
sighing,
loving...
     BUSH [pronounced almost like "boosh" in a deep seductive lusty voice]

Laughing,
growing,
sinning...
    BUSH

Time glides by,
the velvet sky,
caressing in its tender touch...
    BUSH

P'raps that rose
so long forgot
through life's reveries,
and loving sought,
would wilt, would fade
from this mortal coil...
    BUSH

Or p'raps illusion sleeps in you...

Maybe there is no bush?

Isaiah 3

I see the exalted being humbled, and the humble being exalted.

Oh yeah, and all you girls should probably get rid of your round tires and your mufflers.

Jerks.

The end.